Monthly Archives: November 2011

Afternoon and evening delight…

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Hi again!…last time I posted I was telling you about the first day I was out in Delhi. Morning was busy with Lotus Temple , Humayun´s Tomb and India Gate.

The afternoon was different. After lunch Satish took me to Qutub Minar. This is the tallest minaret ( a distinctive architectural feature of Islamic mosques, generally a tall spire with an onion-shaped or conical crown, usually either free standing or taller than any associated support structure). The place is amazing , there are so many ruins full of beautiful engravings.

There is lots of space to walk around and try to picture how the site was in its golden age ( aprox. 1199 AD). probably one thing that s very interesting is the red sandstone and marble used to construct this huge mosque. If you are in Delhi , try to go there but avoid doing it on the weekend because is very crowded. I had to go back during the week in order to really appreciate the beauty of it. Great gardens surrounding the ruins.

              

After this I was ready to fall apart , very tired so Satish took me to the Hotel.

Sitting in my room , feeling  a bit lonely , my tongue needed to express itself hahaha so I met a friend.

I must say that Chapal Mehra is probably one of the most special persons I have ever met . We talked for hours , obviously he was amazed at the way that I keep going on and on and I never shut up hahaha.  We talked for hours and for sure he got a glimpse of my thirst to get to know as much of India as I could. besides being the best company ever , Chapal is also a great tour guide , he recommended several places for me to go and get the real Indian experience. everything I wrote down so that I can accomplish as much of the “tour” as I could.

You know when you get a chill because a strong connection was made with a special person , well the chill I felt with Chapal was not just a chill… it literally almost knocked me out. Will never forget those times… or the places , the smells the faces the simple facts. Thank you for being such a  great guy , I will see you soon again. This quote is for you:

“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.” – Anais Nin

Bed was calling my name because tomorrow I am going to AGRA!!!!!!

Today I got an email from the SCI Clinic , they need me to go there for the first time the day after tomorrow!!!!! I am so exited to get to know all the guys and Dr. Shivani. One step closer to you my little love.

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Delhi … surprises all over the place…

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Like a swiss watch , at 11 this morning Satish ( Rahuls friend and driver) was at the hotel to pick me up.

I had no idea of where I wanted to go or what I wanted to see , most of the time I am lost in the world inside my head .

Before getting to Delhi I had only few time to research about the city and its wonders , so I was pretty much ready for anything.

Satish was very helpful and kind , I was dazzled by his peaceful way of talking and doing things. Told him to take me wherever he wanted, so on the way we started talking about his family , is weird but since I decided to be a parent I get more interested in people kids. It seems like there is a wise advice in every person that already has a kid…

So , the first place he took me was the Lotus Temple. This is a Baha´i Faith Temple built in 1986. Is a unique building not only because of its shape and design but also because is the only Baha´i Temple in Asia. For those of you that are not familiar with Baha´i Faith , is based in the Oneness of God, the Oneness of Religions, and the Oneness of Mankind. Here is the link of the Lotus Temple , read it you will enjoy it very much: http://www.bahaihouseofworship.in/.

The line to get in was very short , the weather was perfect so everything was going smoothly. Is amazing but as soon as you walk in the Temple , peace and quietness surrounds you in a very special and deep way. Maybe I was still amazed by the fact that I was able to  distinguish at least people from 5 religions sitting peacefully  at the same temple , thanking and talking to the same God or energy or whatever they believed in. Is this the kind of union and peace  that should unite mankind? … Maybe.

After walking for a while , Satish was ready for the net surprise , he took me to the Tomb of Humayun that is the tomb of one of the Mughal Emperors built around 1569 AD.It was built with red sandstone and te complex is extremely beautiful. Here is some info and story about the tomb: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tomb_of_Humayun                                                                                                                        

The gardens surrounding the complex , are very nicely taken care of , full of little trees with white flowers , the color totally catch my attention. If you ever go to Delhi , take the time to discover this site and its information centre because it is quite interesting to understand how it was built and the implications of it.

              

The place was so peaceful that I spend almost 2 hours just walking around the complex , a tomb where one of the Great Emperors is buried.

Back to the car with Satish , our next stop India Gate. This monument was built in 1931 in order to commemorate the 90000 indian soldiers who lost their lives while fighting at the British Raj in World War I and the Third Anglo-Afghan War. When you look at it , you can say that India Gate resembles the Arc de Triomphe in Paris , but India Gate has a great engraving on the front that reads: “To the dead of the Indian armies who fell honoured in France and Flanders Mesopotamia and Persia East Africa Gallipoli and elsewhere in the near and the far-east and in sacred memory also of those whose names are recorded and who fell in India or the north-west frontier and during the Third Afghan War”.

Near India Gate there is an empty canopy that is now used by  President and the Prime Minister, as well as visiting Guests of State, to pay homage at the site on occasions of State ceremonies, and each Republic Day, 26th January, the Prime Minister pays homage to the soldiers along with Heads of Armed Forces, before joining the annual parade at the Rajpath.

India gate is surrounded by a big and nice park. I was walking  around and i saw a game of cricket for the first time… still don’t get the game but it was interesting!

Hunger started to strike once again , so went back to the car and Satish took me to a very good restaurant. I had a great lunch that consisted of: butter chicken , spicy sweet and sour chicken with red curry , rice and a big bottle of Kingfisher Lager Beer…. yum yum.

I asked Satish to join me for lunch but he refused. By then I was not aware of the Caste System in India. Here is some info about it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caste_system_in_India. i now understand is a cultural issue , but still made me feel a bit uncomfortable knowing that he was not allowed to eat with me 😦

This was the morning part of my day , I will tell you about the afternoon ont he next post… don’t miss it because is about a must see in Delhi!!!

Thank you for reading, I love sharing this with all of you.

15500 kilometers away…

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Yes, the approximate distance between Quito ( capital of Ecuador , where I live) and Delhi. I travelled all by myself and the itinerary was something like: Quito-Panama-New York-Delhi.
It took around 27 hours but it was so much fun !!!
I started getting a taste of Indian food at the flight from New York and Delhi , totally love spicy pickle.
I arrived at Indira Gandhi International Airport around 20:30 on August the 13th , Rahul was there to pick me up , he is such a great guy. Thank you very much for all your help and again , thank you Shilpi for getting everything organized, it worked out just perfect. Indira Gandhi airport is very nice , specially this art expression:

I really liked this so i did a little research. Here is an interview with the company that designed and manufactured the mudras represented in Terminal 3 of Indira Gandhi’s International Airport :http://buddhistartnews.wordpress.com/2010/08/22/qa-delhi-airport%E2%80%99s-%E2%80%98hands%E2%80%99-sculpture/

Of course I started making 1000 questions about India and about the Clinic to Rahul , poor guy for sure was overwhelmed and wanted to kick me out of the car after the first 3 kilometers ( by the way I was very surprised that in India people drive on the right side…. a bit awkward). Weather was lovely, a bit humid but nice and warm.

He drove me to the Glitter Hotel (http://www.agoda.com/asia/india/new_delhi_and_ncr/hotel_glitter.html) , the staff  was very helpful and the accommodations very comfortable and clean. The thing that I like about this Hotel is that is very close tot he SCI Clinic and also to metro station , M- Block Market and other fun stuff. In Delhi location is very important because is a huge city.

My biological clock was all wrong , so it was around 23:00 and I felt like if it was time for me to wake up. I guess I must have been tired from the flight because I slept like a baby until 9:00 next day. Hunger , as usual was part of me so I ordered an indian breakfast that was very tasty, a bit weird to eat it with pickle , but loved it anyway, here is a pick:

On the next post the first day “out and about” in Delhi… Thanx for reading.

The easy part…

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When I started this journey I said to myself  that if something bad or negative came up , then I will stop and think things over.

One of the things that scared me the most , was going to the fertility doctor in order to find out if I was able to have kids.

The exam as you might guess was pretty “manual” , the hard part was having to wait.

My mind was all over the place , thinking about all the possible scenarios. Those were very long 48 hours.

As much as one tries to be positive , there is always a part of us that tends to look at the dark side of things.

Now I realize that I was not ready to deal with the dark side.

The test came back and I was good to go… there was a little angel waiting to come to earth….

That day I decided that July – august would be good to travel and try the first IVF.

The Clinic gave me green light so all I needed to do was to get the trip organized.

I have to give special thanxs to  Shilpi , she works with Dr. Shivani and she was amazing getting everything organized for me .

everything is working out just fine…. cant wait to get there!!!

 

Natural , simple and true.

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Dear Ricardo , thank you very much for sharing such a nice video.
Please watch it…is worth it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TBd-UCwVAY
Change is on the way , the way families are created is changing and hopefully blogs , videos , pictures and love will help the change to arrive even faster.
Hopefully Ricardo will share his story with us…. We will be waiting 🙂

How can I do it?

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This was the big question , probably because it involves so many issues.

Considering I am a single man , I took a long time to think whether it was the right decision to raise a kid by myself. I started reading about the implications of being a single dad and I found  lots of studies, lots of information , lots of debates, but who knows the answer?

The main issue was clear to me , parenting is different for everybody. Is not a matter of your marital status or your sexuality , is a matter of how much love and effort you invest in it. Being aware and preparing yourself for parenting is wise , but I believe one learns along the way.

Kids don’t come to the world with an instructions manual so a parent learns every second, maybe the clue is how much do we want to learn and how important is for us to learn.

So , I started looking for more information about the available methods for having a baby and I decided that Gestational Surrogacy was the way to go.

There are several countries around the world where surrogacy is legal, but in most countries there is a legal “void”.

The countries I researched were: USA, Cyprus and India.

There are several clinics that will offer a full service, the next step was to look for the right clinic that would fit my requirements.

I lost count of how many e-mails I sent asking for information and feedback about each clinics policies about single parents , payments , legal aspects , success rate , etc. The information I was receiving was totally overwhelming so I decided to go with the experts. I signed up for  a group in Yahoo ( Gaydads), that only deals with parenting issues. I posted a message and it was incredible how many replies I received.

One of the replies I got was from Glenn and Per from Sweden, they went through with surrogacy and they were about to pick up their baby in two weeks. I have to give special thanx to them because they gave me the information about Dr. Shivani ( links are available at the blog).

I contacted them and form the begging I had all the information I needed , the staff was amazing ( thanx Margarida you are still my favorite!!). Since the first time I contacted them , everything started flying really fast. By the time I realized i was on a flight to Delhi……

Lots of thing involved in the middle…. tell u more in the next post 🙂

And so it begins…

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Surfing the net the other day , trying to find the right words to express what I trully feel, I found this   great anonymous poem:

                                                                                     Daddy’s Heart

When I heard the news of you,
I did the things most Daddies do.
I opened up my heart so wide,
For you to have a place inside.

As each day passed, I’d think of you,
I’d watch you grow, I was expecting too!

I tried to imagine the person you’d be
Would you look or act like me?
I thought of the things that we would do,
The times we’d share, just us two.

I would give you piggyback rides,
Push your swing and watch you slide.
I would teach you how to ride a bike,
Catch your first ball and throw your first strike.

I would hold your hand in mine,
Be your protector, strong yet kind.
I would be your hero and friend,
Give love and advice on which you’d depend.

I will always remember the day you were born,
I cradled a miracle, small and warm.
What words I had were scarce and few,
A tear and a smile were the best I could do.

Life gave me a moment, precious and rare,
Bursting with pride, excitement and care.
I promised you then, all that I had,
See, you were my child and I was your Dad.

When I heard the news of you,
I did the things most Daddies do.
I opened my heart so wide,
Where you will always have a place inside.

 Simple , yet very powerful describes what is it that a single man can feel when inside our heart, the warm feeling of parenthood start to do its magic.

Around june 2010 , something started changing inside me. A new feeling started to take shape. At first I didn’t recognize it or didn’t acknowledge it but soon enough it all became clear. I wanted to be a daddy.

Thoughts and feelings at the beginning where like endless chains with no end and a very confusing beginning , but then I learned to organize them in order to understand them. I had only two clear things in my head: I was going to try it until something significant stopped me , and that my life was about to take the most amazing turn.

It is interesting how one thought caries you to the next one and then to the next one and so on. By the end of the day you have a unique ready to explode piñata of feelings and thoughts and none of them make any sense. An authentic avalanche that can overwhelm you when you least expect it.

I remember that emotions where bursting out of my being , it was interesting to feel and understand that this new “thing” was so big ,so important , so unique, so full of expectations …. but also so difficult , so heavy with responsibility and in the eyes of some… so selfish.

It took me several months to start doing something instead of just sitting there , waiting for the answers to arrive.

By december it was clear so I decided to tell mom and my sister. I can remember their reaction so clearly , it was like if I was telling them that I was already pregnant . I now understand this because I know that when a gay man comes out of the “closet”, people assume that the one thing he is giving up is parenthood.  Mom and my sister are like two beautiful painless strong growths attached to my whole being. We are like the 3 musketeers…always there for each other, loving in a uncoditional way by stripping out all the layers that makes us individual human beings. Is a blessing having them and being what we are , who we are when we are together. A great part of me going through on this journey is because  their support , love and confidence pushes me to discover new things , grab a taste of life , walking with my head up high , thinking and  wishing that everything is going to work out just fine.

The next step was to tell  my dear and closest friends… the remaining members of my family. Their reaction was as warm as moms and my sisters.

With all that support , how can anything go wrong? I felt that the intentions , thoughts and feelings were multiplied.

Now , the questions in my head were , How? when? where?….