Monthly Archives: January 2012

Adaptation.

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Hello everybody!

I woke up earlier than usual , not just because Vodka ( my dog) was twitching and making weird sounds while having a nightmare ( here is a pic:  ), but also because I was thinking about adaptation.

Since the moment we come out of the womb , the process begins. We start to adapt to every little situation around us in order not just to survive but also to become the being that we want to become.

As kids there is no awareness about this because usually we are mainly raised by an adult that already has lots of conditioning factors that they have been dragging since their own process of adapting began.

It seems to me that in order to reach happiness or at least experience happy moments more often , one has to get on the train of adaptation , fasten the seatbelt and enjoy the trip.

This brings me to the issue that men can not have kids by their own , so we adapt in order to achieve that by connecting 3 strangers into one ( at leats for me as a single father). Is this a very easy way of explaining surrogacy?

 It might be the answer to lots of questions based on this very delicate topic ( and also a very useful answer when sometimes we get uncomfortable questions).

What happens after surrogacy? How do you explain your kid? , I know  time will give me the answers to this questions, at least for now I know that the triangle between the donor , the surrogate and me is probably the best thing that has ever happened in my life.

It would be great if the parents out there that have already been trough this process could share with the rest of us their own experiences.

Thanx in advance for reading and remember : ” Adapt or die. As many times as we’ve heard it, the lesson doesn’t get easier. The problem is we’re human. We want more than just to survive. We want love. We want success. We want to be the best that we can be. So, we fight like hell to get those things. Anything else feels like death.”

Being a Dad…

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A few weeks ago a wise woman told me that usually human beings associate having and wanting babies to women.

Now that I think more into it ( my brain cells are scarce and very lazy)  it is true , we associate having descendants to the female gender. Why si that?   Is it because of pregnancy, child-birth and breast-feeding?

I guess so , and also because one of the stereotypes that our society has mainly states that women want to get married and have babies while men will fight in order to remain single , cool and free.

writing this only makes me feel and acknowledge that times have changed and that the preconception of genders and families have taken a very interesting twist.

While growing up , having a friend who had divorced parents was shocking , nowadays the shocking thing is to find solid marriages among our kids friends parents. Also the GLBT families were not a whole lot around ( probably because it is still a very”delicate” topic to talk about), even though researches and polls show that is some countries ( USA , Canada , Spain , etc) there are already third generations of kids that grew up being part of  GLBT family.

Isnt it delicious to have such variety? when I go to the bakery I want lots of pastries to choose from , not only banana bread ( nothing against it in fact I love it).

This brings me to the point that now that the baby is coming  I surprise myself thinking about how I will raise him/her , or what things I will try not to do. Maybe it is senseless because even though I plan a bit inside my head , every kid is different with different needs , different characters and different ways of absorbing their surroundings. Many times I have heard people saying that kids do not come with a Owners Manual , but there are lots of clues and answers within ourselves that can help us along the way.

I was telling my friend the other day that now that I am to become a Daddy , I think more often about the things I liked and disliked about my upbringing. That for me is a good start point because like us  ,our parents also made mistakes while raising us , so for me the first thing to do is learn from those mistakes and try not to make them with my own kid ( Thanx Mom , besides being a great friend you are a great example). The next step is to look around to other families and see how they work , how the manage , how they move along, then analyse a bit and learn as much as our awareness allows us.

I am lucky enough to have a sister that is a single mom ( just got divorced from the kids father) of 2 kids ( my nephew is 4 years 3 months and my niece is 1 year 4 months). She for sure is my best , most solid an updated example of how to be a parent. She has shown me that been relaxed but conscious is the way to go if you want to keep sane and happy while managing all the little details that being a parent involve.

Probably one of the most important things I have learned in the past months is that every human being has a different kind of intelligence , therefore every person needs to be understood and treated in a different way. This does not mean that our way of being changes when we deal with different people , it only means that part of growing up is to respect the boundaries and differences that every person has. Respect is not just a value that we learn at home or at school , is a value that one has to live it and experience it in order to apply it as a golden rule in every single thought and act. So , for me the main rule when raising my child will be to respect who he/she is and learn day by day the boundaries of his/her personality. It might sound idealistic but it can work if I am open enough to understand that the way I am does not mean is the way my child will like to be. Being transcendent with our decisions  allow us to see , feel , understand and heal the wounds that failure leaves in our souls . 

So , let’s go over the limits and allow the next generations to be open about the diversity of traits , values and realities that people have. Everybody is free to have their own opinions, but sometimes we dont allow them to be free enough.  Lets try to step out of the stereotypes and see beyond the boundaries that we set to our own thoughts.

My final conclusion is that being a parent is not about the gender , is about the inner force that we generate when we are true to ourselves and when we use love in order to achieve the dreams and goals that lay within ourselves.

Thanx for reading and tell me What is parenting for you guys?

Have a wonderful day.

Change: Embrace it .

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Hi everybody!!!

First I would like to say Thank You to all the people who has been commenting and sending e-mails. It is so nice to hear all the things you guys have to say  , specially since some of you literally show and send me so many feelings and strength to keep on going on this great adventure.

Yesterday I was talking to my best friend , she gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl a few months back. We where talking about the changes that come with parenthood and that weird phenomenon that happens to some people who even after you have your baby , you can’t believe he/she is already here.

We where standing next to each other and she said ” I can’t believe she is my baby”. It took me almost 3 hours of no sleep ( lately it seems that trying to sleep is a bit hard because all I thin about is the little mini me)to realize that when someone has a deep feeling and you acknowledge that feeling it eventually becomes a goal or a dream that you start to work on.

Step by step that goal starts to become real until one day you are standing very very close to the finish line. I feel I am almost there , at the finish line , but also being so close to it makes me wonder about al the things that are on the other side of the finish line.

What all those things? … for me is only one thing : change. So you stare at it and embrace it because it is the result of all the little steps you took before reaching your goal.

Is it hard? is it scary? , no need to describe it. In my head and heart all I feel is that change and new things to come are always good , is another step one has to take on the road of growing and living life intensively and fully.

My friend and I usually have those little deep moments when time stops and we just wonder about things. Yesterday she said: 2 We have so many things to be grateful for”, and she is so right. Everyday we hear someone elses reality and we get surprised or scared, and in our heads we think we are lucky. For me , luck  has lots of names so I rather say that luck is just a result of thousands of little things we do every day that end up on being a great product. 

I heard this the other day and it made me realize how important change is: ” When we say things like “people don’t change” it drives scientist crazy because change is literally the only constant in all of science. Energy. Matter. It’s always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It’s the way people try not to change that’s unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting things be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change that’s up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again.”

It would be great to hear what you guys have to say about your own experiences when you were approaching to the finish line. What where your thoughts , feelings , fears , sensations???

I feel like a sponge waiting to soak on people’s experiences , thank you for sharing yours.

Have a great weekend! and as usual , thank you very much for reading.

Cheers!!!

Happy Lohri Day…

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Today is Lohri Day in India!

Here is a little something about Lohri ( source : http://www.surfindia.com/festivals/lohri.html):

Introduction
Lohri Festival Lohri is an auspicious Occasions that is celebrated as the harvest festival of Punjab- a North Indian state also called the breadbasket state of India. Lohri is celebrated with great joy and fervor specially among the farmers fraternity as this festival is associated with the harvesting of the Rabi (winter) crops. The festival of Lohri is an Occasions that urges people to extend their thankfulness and prayers to the God for being so kind and bringing prosperity for all. Lohri is celebrated by Sikhs & Hindus alike, in the North Indian states of Punjab, Haryana, Delhi and parts of Himachal Pradesh.

As a harvest festival, Lohri is marked during the month of January in which the farm fields portray the shining crop of wheat- the main winter crop in North India. Lohri is enjoyed between the harvesting and sowing of this winter crop, with lots of joy by family, friends, singing, dancing on folk songs around the bonfire in the evening. The festival of Lohri is considered an auspicious Occasions for celebrating the birth of babies and the arrival of newly wed bride to the family.

When is Lohri
Lohri, as per the Hindu Calendar, falls in the month of Pausha or Magha generally on 13th January, a day before Makar Sankranti. After the day of Lohri the earth starts its journey towards the Sun thus calling the end of winter season and onset of summer season.

Origin of Lohri
According to the historical and mythological references the term its origin from ‘Loi’ the wife of Saint Kabir. Although in Punjab Lohri is known as Lohi while other believe that the festival has got its name from the term ‘Loh’ that means iron. The celebrations Lohri festival has eating of til (sesame seeds) and rorhi (jaggery), therefore it is believed that made the term ‘Tilorhi’ that suppressed in the Lohri.

The tale of Dulla Bhatti is the most recognized origin of Lohri. Dullha Bhatti is an icon figure of Punjabis and is associated with the celebrations of Lohri- the harvest festival of India. Dulha Bhatti was a muslim highway robber who used to rob people and would save the Hindu girls being taken for selling the slaves market. Then he used to arrange the marriage of those rescued girls with Hindu boys with all rituals and even arranging the dowry of money and material. Due to these social services, Dulla Bhatti became a legendary figure among the Punjabis. On the eve of Lohri festival the folk songs praising the heroic character of Dulha Bhatti are sung.

Celebrations of Lohri
Lohri is celebrated in various parts of India but in different ways- Pongal in Tamil Nadu, Bihu in Assam, Bhogi in Andhra Pradesh and the Sankranti in Karnataka, Bihar and Uttar Pradesh. The main attraction of Lohri festival is the traditional bonfire celebration. In the evening all family members light the up the bonfire and dance on the Lohri folk songs with great enthusiasm. A puja is also held with a prayer to Agni, involving parikrama around the fire for abundant crops and prosperity. Also makki ki roti and sarson ka saag composes the dinner and til, gazak, gur, moongphali, phuliya comprises the prasad. On Lohri, womenfolk and children get attention. For a bride, the first Lohri is extremely important. Children sing and dance asking for the Lohri prasad.

Lohri Songs- Dulla Bhatti Song
The ‘ho’s are in chorus
Sunder mundriye ho!
Tera kaun vicaharaa ho!
Dullah bhatti walla ho!
Dullhe di dhee vyayae ho!
Ser shakkar payee ho!
Kudi da laal pathaka ho!
Kudi da saalu paatta ho!
Salu kaun samete!
Chache choori kutti! zamidara lutti!
Zamindaar sudhaye!
bade bhole aaye!
Ek bhola reh gaya!
Sipahee pakad ke lai gaya!
Sipahee ne mari eet!
Sanoo de de lohri te teri jeeve jodi! (Cry or howl!)
Paheenve ro te phannve pit!

Translation
The ‘ho’s are in chorus
Who do you have
The groom with the tandoor
The groom’s daughter got married
He gave 1 kg sugar!
The girl is wearing a red suit!
But her shawl is torn!
Who will stitch her shawl?!
The uncle made choori!
The landlords ate it!
He made the landlords eat a lot!
Lots of innocent guys came
One innocent boy got left behind
The police arrested him!
The policeman hit him with a brick!
Cry or howl!
Give us lohri ..long live your couple!
Whether you cry, or bang your head later!

Significance of Lohri Festival
For Punjabis, Lohri is more than just a festival, and also an example of a way of life. The essence of Lohri is celebration of fertility and the spark of life. An extremely auspicious day, Lohri marks the sun’s entry in to the ‘Makar Rashi’ (northern hemisphere). The period, beginning from 14 January lasting till 14 July, is known as Uttarayan. It is also the last day of the month of Maargazhi, the ninth month of the lunar calendar.

Grow baby grow!!!

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Hi everyone!

I woke up this morning and received this great surprise in my inbox:

You are growing so fast my little baby!!!!

It is amazing to think that both of you are more than 15500 kilometers away , but thankfully the staff from the clinic is taking well care of my lovely Surrogate and the baby.

Now that the delivery date is approaching more and more ( only 16 weeks left) , the feelings towards this process have changed a bit. Now everything seems so real so intense . At the beginning everything started as being a very strong deep feeling but now is a reality that will materialize sooner than later.

As I have said many times , this rollercoaster of emotions is worth every second , the expectation , the feelings , the wondering and of course the great surprises.

The other day a friend asked me if I am afraid of the way my life is changing and scared of all the things that are about to come. I didn’t took me  long time to answer because I don’t feel afraid. I feel anxious and I do have lots of questions in my head , but all those will continue to answer by themselves as time goes by.

My advice to anyone out there that shares the same dream with me is that there is no obstacle that will overcome the strength of persistence. Even though you can be a bit scared sometimes , don’t be,  because fear only deprives you from living. We only have once chance in this world ( at least in the actual shape), so don’t waste the opportunity .

I found this little poem ( unknown author) that truly describes how I feel. I dedicate this to my little angel grow baby grow!!! :

 

I Loved You From The Start

I loved you from the very start…You stole my breath, embraced my heart.Our life together has just begun,

You’re part of me, my little one.

As your father , each day I knew

My mind would be filled with thoughts of you.

I’m daydreaming of the things we’ll share,

Like late-night bottles and teddy bears.

Like first steps and skinned knees,

Like bedtime stories and ABC’s.

I’m thinking of things you’ll want to know,

Like how birds fly and flowers grow.

I’ve thought of lessons I’ll need to share,

Like standing tall and playing fair.

When I first see your precious face,I’ll pray your life be touched with grace.I’ll thank the angels from above,

And promise you unending love.

Each night I’ll lay you down to sleep,I’ll gently kiss your head and cheek.I’ll count your little fingers and toes,

I’ll memorize your eyes and nose.

I will linger at your nursery door,Awed each day that I love you more.Through misty eyes, I’ll dim the light,

And whisper, “I love you” every night.

As your father our journey’s begun,My heart’s yours forever, little one.
I loved you from the very start…You stole my breath, embraced my heart.

 

Entrevista 10-enero-2012 / Interview 10-january-2012

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Hola a todos!

Muchas gracias por todos los comentarios y correos que he recibido , la verdad es grandioso saber que mi angelito y yo contamos con gente tan hermosa como todos ustedes.

El día de ayer se publicó la entrevista realizada ( a mi persona) la periodista Michelle Oquendo Sánchez, en el programa “Desde mi Visión” que se transmite en Radio Visión. Lunes a viernes de 15h00 a 17h00. Quito 91.7 Guayaquil 107.7 www.michelleoquendo.com 

Para los que no pudieron escucharla aqui les dejo el audio :

http://michelleoquendo.com/podcast.php

Nota: Prohibida la reproducción total o parcial de este espacio sin la autorización de su productora. Las opiniones vertidas en este programa son de entera responsabilidad de quien las pronuncia.

Desde ya muchas gracias por escuchar y sobretodo por estar tan pendientes de cada paso.

El apoyo y amor que recibimos constantemente , no solo nos llena de paz y tranquilidad si no que también le da un dulce tono a esta hermosa aventura que es un placer compartir con ustedes.

Gracias , mil veces Gracias.

English Version:

Hi Everyone!

Thank you very much for all the comments and e-mails that I have received,  honestly is great to know that my little angel and I count on such beautiful people as you.

Yesterday was published and interview that Michelle Oquendo Sánchez did on me ( http://michelleoquendo.com/index.php) at the studios of Radio Vision in Quito-Ecuador for her program Desde mi Visión.

For those of you that were not able to listen the interview here is the link to the audio file:

http://michelleoquendo.com/podcast.php

Note: Translation to english will be available this weekend.

In advance , thank you very much for listening and for always keeping up with us every step of the way.

the sup`port and love that we constantly receive , it not only fulfills us with peace and joy , but also gives a beautiful tone to this sweet journey.

Thank you , a thousand times Thank you.

Tell it like it is…

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Hi everyone!

Sorry I havent been posting but as you know the Holidays are always time for the family and friends.

So , today at 3 pm ( Ecuador time) is airing and interview that was done about me and this blog by Michelle Oquendo Sanchez (http://michelleoquendo.com/michelle_oquendo.php)

I hope you can all listen to it at : http://michelleoquendo.com/index.php.

The interview is in spanish but i will translate it to english over the weekend .

Hope to hear your comments soon.

A little update…. my little baby is 23 weeks old so far!!!! I am so exited , everything is going as planned, what a blessing.

Thanx for keeping up!

xoxo