Change: Embrace it .


Hi everybody!!!

First I would like to say Thank You to all the people who has been commenting and sending e-mails. It is so nice to hear all the things you guys have to say  , specially since some of you literally show and send me so many feelings and strength to keep on going on this great adventure.

Yesterday I was talking to my best friend , she gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl a few months back. We where talking about the changes that come with parenthood and that weird phenomenon that happens to some people who even after you have your baby , you can’t believe he/she is already here.

We where standing next to each other and she said ” I can’t believe she is my baby”. It took me almost 3 hours of no sleep ( lately it seems that trying to sleep is a bit hard because all I thin about is the little mini me)to realize that when someone has a deep feeling and you acknowledge that feeling it eventually becomes a goal or a dream that you start to work on.

Step by step that goal starts to become real until one day you are standing very very close to the finish line. I feel I am almost there , at the finish line , but also being so close to it makes me wonder about al the things that are on the other side of the finish line.

What all those things? … for me is only one thing : change. So you stare at it and embrace it because it is the result of all the little steps you took before reaching your goal.

Is it hard? is it scary? , no need to describe it. In my head and heart all I feel is that change and new things to come are always good , is another step one has to take on the road of growing and living life intensively and fully.

My friend and I usually have those little deep moments when time stops and we just wonder about things. Yesterday she said: 2 We have so many things to be grateful for”, and she is so right. Everyday we hear someone elses reality and we get surprised or scared, and in our heads we think we are lucky. For me , luck  has lots of names so I rather say that luck is just a result of thousands of little things we do every day that end up on being a great product. 

I heard this the other day and it made me realize how important change is: ” When we say things like “people don’t change” it drives scientist crazy because change is literally the only constant in all of science. Energy. Matter. It’s always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It’s the way people try not to change that’s unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting things be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change that’s up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again.”

It would be great to hear what you guys have to say about your own experiences when you were approaching to the finish line. What where your thoughts , feelings , fears , sensations???

I feel like a sponge waiting to soak on people’s experiences , thank you for sharing yours.

Have a great weekend! and as usual , thank you very much for reading.


About ecaiozzi

I am Enzo , born and raised in Quito - Ecuador ( South America). When I was 16 the adventure of my life started when thanx to the support of my parents I left to ^Prince Edward Island, Canada. Stayed there for a year with the Wilsons ( You are always in my mind) and met some of the most special people in the world ( Yes Syl it is you ). After the exchange program was over I decided to stay in Canada so I moved to Toronto and started studying biotechnology research applied to genetics . Was never good at school but I sure made it very well through college. Came back to Ecuador in 2004 and started working at a family business oriented to the manufacture of chemical products , cosmetics and a manufacturer of different product for international corporations. I have been working there since then in the production department and also in the HQSE (Health, Quality, Safety and Environment) department. Around june 2010 , something started growing inside so by August I was sure I wanted to become a parent. Since then , I have been through he most amazing journey that I am trying to share with you. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have, and most important of all I hope that other intending parents can realize that there are ways to make your dreams come true. All you need is love , determination and lots of information and support. Hopefully this blog will make a little change in someone's life , small changes are sometimes the most important ones. I heard this quote on a TV program ( not the best source for a quote) , and for sure it describes the way I want to feel: " Adapt or die. As many times as we've heard it, the lesson doesn't get easier. The problem is we're human. We want more than just to survive. We want love. We want success. We want to be the best that we can be. So, we fight like hell to get those things. Anything else feels like death." Thanx for reading...

4 responses »

  1. Enzo,
    One of the differences is how we come to be on this journey. For us, like many other heterosexual couples, we come to surrogacy after many years and losses, miscarriages, failed IVF & fertility treatments. We looked at adoptions which wasn’t an available option. We start this journey with both hope and fear & dread.
    Imagine if this was the start of your journey and you had to endure 10 years of losses, that was us.
    I was terrified that something would happen to take my dream away. Intellectually i understood the process, I had faith in our doctor, but after so many years of disappointment and so many losses, I didn’t believe that this would happen for us. I prayed this was my turn, but I believed we were cursed never to be parents – after trying off and on for 10 years, you do tend to lose hope.
    When we became pregnant with Max & Lily, I didn’t buy anything and I didn’t organize a nursery because I thought something would take it away. I freaked out about being on maternity leave. This change became real when a nurse put a baby in my arms and showed me another and told me that they were mine,

  2. It is so wonderful and scary and exciting and overwhelming and everything else you can think of as we approach the final two months. There is fear, but there is also a lot of peace. I have no idea how I’ll be as a dad, but I also have learned that no one can predict what it’s like to be a parent and you just have to learn as you go along. So I trust that my commitment to being a parent will be enough. I’m sure I’ll make tons of mistakes, but the kids will be fine.

    • Hi Michael , Thank you for your comment. Its is true what you say , no one can predict what kind of a parent is going to be. The main issue is to truly believe and feel the commitment that parenting involves. Love changes everything and for sure gives you the strength to keep going on. Good luck on this last 2 months!! Soe xiting.

  3. I read your blog and I get tears in my eye and feel like crying, i know just how you feel, deep inside that feeling of father hood, the feeling of wanting to be a daddy. For being gay its harder, because no other gay men want to settle down they just want to fool around and cheat. Everytime I think I found someone and want to start a family they leave me. SO i felt the same as you I just have to do this all alone, and I am ok with this. If I find a great guy during this time, great but he will have to reliaze he will not be the one in my life he will be the number 2. You are a beautiful man i feel like we are the same. I was a exchange student in Brazil and I loved it my family there was so good to me and that is something I will never forget. Just know this no matter who think what we do is wrong because we are single gay parents we will be the best parents we can be. My child will never go without and will always feel love. I really hope to meeet you some day. you ever need anything please let me know anything ok. kiss kiss

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