A few weeks ago a wise woman told me that usually human beings associate having and wanting babies to women.
Now that I think more into it ( my brain cells are scarce and very lazy) it is true , we associate having descendants to the female gender. Why si that? Is it because of pregnancy, child-birth and breast-feeding?
I guess so , and also because one of the stereotypes that our society has mainly states that women want to get married and have babies while men will fight in order to remain single , cool and free.
writing this only makes me feel and acknowledge that times have changed and that the preconception of genders and families have taken a very interesting twist.
While growing up , having a friend who had divorced parents was shocking , nowadays the shocking thing is to find solid marriages among our kids friends parents. Also the GLBT families were not a whole lot around ( probably because it is still a very”delicate” topic to talk about), even though researches and polls show that is some countries ( USA , Canada , Spain , etc) there are already third generations of kids that grew up being part of GLBT family.
Isnt it delicious to have such variety? when I go to the bakery I want lots of pastries to choose from , not only banana bread ( nothing against it in fact I love it).
This brings me to the point that now that the baby is coming I surprise myself thinking about how I will raise him/her , or what things I will try not to do. Maybe it is senseless because even though I plan a bit inside my head , every kid is different with different needs , different characters and different ways of absorbing their surroundings. Many times I have heard people saying that kids do not come with a Owners Manual , but there are lots of clues and answers within ourselves that can help us along the way.
I was telling my friend the other day that now that I am to become a Daddy , I think more often about the things I liked and disliked about my upbringing. That for me is a good start point because like us ,our parents also made mistakes while raising us , so for me the first thing to do is learn from those mistakes and try not to make them with my own kid ( Thanx Mom , besides being a great friend you are a great example). The next step is to look around to other families and see how they work , how the manage , how they move along, then analyse a bit and learn as much as our awareness allows us.
I am lucky enough to have a sister that is a single mom ( just got divorced from the kids father) of 2 kids ( my nephew is 4 years 3 months and my niece is 1 year 4 months). She for sure is my best , most solid an updated example of how to be a parent. She has shown me that been relaxed but conscious is the way to go if you want to keep sane and happy while managing all the little details that being a parent involve.
Probably one of the most important things I have learned in the past months is that every human being has a different kind of intelligence , therefore every person needs to be understood and treated in a different way. This does not mean that our way of being changes when we deal with different people , it only means that part of growing up is to respect the boundaries and differences that every person has. Respect is not just a value that we learn at home or at school , is a value that one has to live it and experience it in order to apply it as a golden rule in every single thought and act. So , for me the main rule when raising my child will be to respect who he/she is and learn day by day the boundaries of his/her personality. It might sound idealistic but it can work if I am open enough to understand that the way I am does not mean is the way my child will like to be. Being transcendent with our decisions allow us to see , feel , understand and heal the wounds that failure leaves in our souls .
So , let’s go over the limits and allow the next generations to be open about the diversity of traits , values and realities that people have. Everybody is free to have their own opinions, but sometimes we dont allow them to be free enough. Lets try to step out of the stereotypes and see beyond the boundaries that we set to our own thoughts.
My final conclusion is that being a parent is not about the gender , is about the inner force that we generate when we are true to ourselves and when we use love in order to achieve the dreams and goals that lay within ourselves.
Thanx for reading and tell me What is parenting for you guys?
Have a wonderful day.