Being a Dad…


A few weeks ago a wise woman told me that usually human beings associate having and wanting babies to women.

Now that I think more into it ( my brain cells are scarce and very lazy)  it is true , we associate having descendants to the female gender. Why si that?   Is it because of pregnancy, child-birth and breast-feeding?

I guess so , and also because one of the stereotypes that our society has mainly states that women want to get married and have babies while men will fight in order to remain single , cool and free.

writing this only makes me feel and acknowledge that times have changed and that the preconception of genders and families have taken a very interesting twist.

While growing up , having a friend who had divorced parents was shocking , nowadays the shocking thing is to find solid marriages among our kids friends parents. Also the GLBT families were not a whole lot around ( probably because it is still a very”delicate” topic to talk about), even though researches and polls show that is some countries ( USA , Canada , Spain , etc) there are already third generations of kids that grew up being part of  GLBT family.

Isnt it delicious to have such variety? when I go to the bakery I want lots of pastries to choose from , not only banana bread ( nothing against it in fact I love it).

This brings me to the point that now that the baby is coming  I surprise myself thinking about how I will raise him/her , or what things I will try not to do. Maybe it is senseless because even though I plan a bit inside my head , every kid is different with different needs , different characters and different ways of absorbing their surroundings. Many times I have heard people saying that kids do not come with a Owners Manual , but there are lots of clues and answers within ourselves that can help us along the way.

I was telling my friend the other day that now that I am to become a Daddy , I think more often about the things I liked and disliked about my upbringing. That for me is a good start point because like us  ,our parents also made mistakes while raising us , so for me the first thing to do is learn from those mistakes and try not to make them with my own kid ( Thanx Mom , besides being a great friend you are a great example). The next step is to look around to other families and see how they work , how the manage , how they move along, then analyse a bit and learn as much as our awareness allows us.

I am lucky enough to have a sister that is a single mom ( just got divorced from the kids father) of 2 kids ( my nephew is 4 years 3 months and my niece is 1 year 4 months). She for sure is my best , most solid an updated example of how to be a parent. She has shown me that been relaxed but conscious is the way to go if you want to keep sane and happy while managing all the little details that being a parent involve.

Probably one of the most important things I have learned in the past months is that every human being has a different kind of intelligence , therefore every person needs to be understood and treated in a different way. This does not mean that our way of being changes when we deal with different people , it only means that part of growing up is to respect the boundaries and differences that every person has. Respect is not just a value that we learn at home or at school , is a value that one has to live it and experience it in order to apply it as a golden rule in every single thought and act. So , for me the main rule when raising my child will be to respect who he/she is and learn day by day the boundaries of his/her personality. It might sound idealistic but it can work if I am open enough to understand that the way I am does not mean is the way my child will like to be. Being transcendent with our decisions  allow us to see , feel , understand and heal the wounds that failure leaves in our souls . 

So , let’s go over the limits and allow the next generations to be open about the diversity of traits , values and realities that people have. Everybody is free to have their own opinions, but sometimes we dont allow them to be free enough.  Lets try to step out of the stereotypes and see beyond the boundaries that we set to our own thoughts.

My final conclusion is that being a parent is not about the gender , is about the inner force that we generate when we are true to ourselves and when we use love in order to achieve the dreams and goals that lay within ourselves.

Thanx for reading and tell me What is parenting for you guys?

Have a wonderful day.

About ecaiozzi

I am Enzo , born and raised in Quito - Ecuador ( South America). When I was 16 the adventure of my life started when thanx to the support of my parents I left to ^Prince Edward Island, Canada. Stayed there for a year with the Wilsons ( You are always in my mind) and met some of the most special people in the world ( Yes Syl it is you ). After the exchange program was over I decided to stay in Canada so I moved to Toronto and started studying biotechnology research applied to genetics . Was never good at school but I sure made it very well through college. Came back to Ecuador in 2004 and started working at a family business oriented to the manufacture of chemical products , cosmetics and a manufacturer of different product for international corporations. I have been working there since then in the production department and also in the HQSE (Health, Quality, Safety and Environment) department. Around june 2010 , something started growing inside so by August I was sure I wanted to become a parent. Since then , I have been through he most amazing journey that I am trying to share with you. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have, and most important of all I hope that other intending parents can realize that there are ways to make your dreams come true. All you need is love , determination and lots of information and support. Hopefully this blog will make a little change in someone's life , small changes are sometimes the most important ones. I heard this quote on a TV program ( not the best source for a quote) , and for sure it describes the way I want to feel: " Adapt or die. As many times as we've heard it, the lesson doesn't get easier. The problem is we're human. We want more than just to survive. We want love. We want success. We want to be the best that we can be. So, we fight like hell to get those things. Anything else feels like death." Thanx for reading...

7 responses »

  1. My sweetie!! thank you for this incredible and intelligent post. You can’t imagine how I feel to know that I can be a guide for you in this wonderful adventure of parenthood.
    I’m here for you and our little angel forever … you’re my whole life and I’ll dedicate every second to make your days be filled with happiness, stability and love.
    I love you with all my being and I admire you every day.
    Your strength, courage and nobility are my daily example.

  2. If your child even turns out to be even a bit like you, they’ll be a wonderful individual. Keep up the positive thoughts and excitement until the big day!

    • Baby!! You always make me smile. Remeber babes , we are who we are because of the experiences that we live , the people we meet , the thigs we think and believe in. We will always have our months of glory back then!
      Love you always!!!

  3. Enjoyed your blog. Have always thought men wanted babies but after reading your thoughts I checked the topic on the internet to see if it had been researched. It was good to read that lots of men want babies at some time in their life. Also interesting to discover that single dads were apparently more common years ago (lots of years ago!) due to the horrors of mothers dying in childbirth leaving the dad to raise the baby if it survived plus any older children. Seems that many fathers would put their children into orphanages and children’s homes but many didn’t. Fathers would also become sole parents during fatal disease epidemics because it was the mother who nursed any family member infected and sadly she in turn would become infected…

    • Dear Tom , Thank you very much for your comment. It is very interesting what you write about , do you think you could share with us some of the links so that we can research on it? I was reading your blog , Congratulations!! Are you a single Dad too??? Would be great to share . Good luck with everything,. Hope to hear from you soon.

      • Hi Enzo, I found lots of interesting information online by doing searches on ‘do men want children’ and ‘single fathers in the 19th century’. It’s interesting (and also disturbing) to read about the situation of single parents over a hundred years ago and how it varied in different cultures. In western cultures back then, single parents had especially harsh lives, especially given the very low pay rates for women. Glad things are improving now!

      • Hi Tom. Thank you very much for the information. I started researching too! I stumbled upon lots of itneretsing and also distrubing stuff. Do you find it weird that some people still see single fathers as being guys with a sexual deviation? Hurtfull but true. I found a great blog about how men can learn Emotional Competence. Ill sare it with you on my next post. Thanx for keeping up. I Hope the babies are doing fine… Going on to your 9th week? Dont worry soonr tha later week 12 willa rrive and you will feel less stressed. HAve a great Week

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