Author Archives: ecaiozzi

About ecaiozzi

I am Enzo , born and raised in Quito - Ecuador ( South America). When I was 16 the adventure of my life started when thanx to the support of my parents I left to ^Prince Edward Island, Canada. Stayed there for a year with the Wilsons ( You are always in my mind) and met some of the most special people in the world ( Yes Syl it is you ). After the exchange program was over I decided to stay in Canada so I moved to Toronto and started studying biotechnology research applied to genetics . Was never good at school but I sure made it very well through college. Came back to Ecuador in 2004 and started working at a family business oriented to the manufacture of chemical products , cosmetics and a manufacturer of different product for international corporations. I have been working there since then in the production department and also in the HQSE (Health, Quality, Safety and Environment) department. Around june 2010 , something started growing inside so by August I was sure I wanted to become a parent. Since then , I have been through he most amazing journey that I am trying to share with you. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have, and most important of all I hope that other intending parents can realize that there are ways to make your dreams come true. All you need is love , determination and lots of information and support. Hopefully this blog will make a little change in someone's life , small changes are sometimes the most important ones. I heard this quote on a TV program ( not the best source for a quote) , and for sure it describes the way I want to feel: " Adapt or die. As many times as we've heard it, the lesson doesn't get easier. The problem is we're human. We want more than just to survive. We want love. We want success. We want to be the best that we can be. So, we fight like hell to get those things. Anything else feels like death." Thanx for reading...

Happy ending part 1

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Hi Everybody!

First I must apologize for being such a lazy blogger lately but I do have some really good reasons for my absence.

On the 27t of march I was working when I receive a call from Dr. Shivani , she said: You are a daddy to a baby girl! …

Of course I almost flipped but i was extremlly happy at fist then the stressed started to build up.

Ziara was suppossed to be born today may seventh , so she was around 6-7 weeks early.

She weighed only 1.86 kilograms and she was barely 40 cm long. Dr. Gupta ( pediatrician) said that she was ok , but that with premature babies you have to see day by day how they develop.

As soon as I received the news I started organizing the rip because I wanted to be close to hear as soon as possible. I was able to reach Delhi by April 2th .

I met my baby girl on the third. I must say I was shocked with all the things that happened in the past week, but I accomplished to be with her.

When i saw her I burst into tears like a little boy, she was extremely tiny and fragile. She was breathing by herself but she had a feeding tube trough her mouth all the way down to her stomach. I cant believe how small she was, my whole hand was able to cover all her body!!! It was very strange to look at her so skinny and naked. I must say it is shocking because it was my first time looking and touching a premature baby.

It is amazing how a bond is instantly made , Isaw her for the first time and it was love at first sight… she is the most beautiful and perfect thing that god ever made. I bet every parent thins that when they get to meet their babies.

The clinic is very small but it is one of the few clinics/hospitals in Delhi that specialises in newborns and they have advance equipments for them. Dr. Gupta is my pediatrician so he from the beginning told me to be patient because with premature babies you have to take one day at a time.

Premature babies have a tube all the way down to their stomach from where the nurses send the feed. At the begging is not milk but other stuff to compensate for the energy.

Ziara was on antibiotics since she was born because she had a mild infection in her intestines , this is common for premature babies.

The second day i returned to the clinic ( I only get 10 minutes with her) I was totally devastated . Ziara was intubated and she was very yellow and thin. she had lost almost 100 grams since the day before and she was not doing very good. Doctor said that they were doing all the could to keep her but that we will have to wait.

My world crushed so i went back to the hotel and locked myself in. I started thinking about all the possible scenarios and none of them was promising. I had to do nothing else but to wait and try to pray for my little angels life.

The day after I cam back and she was doing much better , she was not on oxygen and it seemed she was better. She was on photo therapy because her bilirubins were high.

The days started to go by faster and Ziara started taking milk trough her tube , the she started taking milk with a syringe , then started feeding with a spoon and finally she took the bottle.

She started to gain an average of 30 grams every day and the doctor took her off the caffeine and off the antibiotics. By the 13th of April she was doing great and after 20 days she was discharged on the 16th.

On the 13th mom came to Delhi so I was very happy!!!! and of course Ziara too!.

The day she got discharged we took er to the hotel and it was amazing!!!!

I cant describe the feeling of being able to hold her , kiss her and being able to provide everything she needs.

It is amazing how instinct flourish and everything comes in naturally, spontaneously.

When she was released she was 1.95 kg and 2 days under my care we came back to the clinic and she was 2 kg. Doctor was very happy and of course grandma and I.

When Ziara was discharged the doctor was very worried because he didn’t think I was fit to take care of hr by myself . But I prove them wrong , now Ziara is almost 1 6 weeks old and she is 2.6 kg hahaha growing very very fast.

I used to hear people saying that the first month is hard because you get up at night and bla bla bla. This is true but it is the most amazing thing to take care of your baby!!! I decided I don’t need the assistance of a nurse because I have mom with me. She is very nice because she just looks at me how I deal with my little princess and she recommends little tips and things that ave made our life easier. I must thank her because she is the best teacher… I love her dearly, and for the record she raised me as a very good daddy/mommy.

Babies are easy to understand , thy cry when they need something , if they don’t cry is because they are okay. Soon enough one learns when they have a gas discomfort , when they are hungry , when they are warm ,etc,etc. This is what dads/moms do , we learn from the babies and we try to teach them something every day.

The greatest thing is to kiss Ziara to death and talk to her and put her on top of my chest and cuddle. I see it as us being a small family , the best of friends and of course as being two strangers that love each other dearly.

When she sleeps in my chest she goes very quiet and she just  breathes…. i feel the happiest man alive.

I had an Idea of how I was going to feel , but after living it…. I was wrong. It is impossible to even imagine how much one loves a daugther.

There are so many things that I would love to share with you….but there are simply not enough words.

I am here for all the questions that you might have… specially if you are a single parent.

Is no that scary , is not that hard….it is great!

I will continue this post soon!!!

Thanx for reading.

I hope everybody is doing great , specially the people from our small surrogacy family. I had the pleasure to meet Bernadette , Xavi & Jose , and the guys from Sweden ( sorry I cant remember your names).

Hope to hear from you guys soon .

I would like to take a bit of time to Thank Dr. Shivani , Rachna , Margarida and all the SCI Staff. You guys are just the best , you make miracles happen.

Blessing for all of you.

Have a great day , soon the post will be about parenting I guess :).

xoxo

Happy Holi and Women´s Day!!

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Hi Everyone!

I couldn’t miss the chance to write  a little something in a special day as today.

Since I was able to recall , women had and are the most incredible being that touched earth, not just because they are able to give birth and nurture a human being but also because they are filled with tons of special characteristics that made them unique .

As a kid , on grow up looking at the closest feminine role models and as life continues to develop those role models translate to friends and even daughters, I used t think that “God” was a woman because I through that men were not able to create “things” with such perfection ( but again I also thought that “she” was a fashionista that was able to give birth to thousands of baby like a queen bee hahahaha).

Anyway , this year my concept of women has changed because now I even feel more respect and admiration for them. Every day I get the best example from Mom , my sister , Lily ( love you dearly), Negra ( I am extremely proud of the woman you have become) , Mely ( you are an amazing aunt and friend) and of course my Dear Surrogate Mother.

Today is all about the tribute that I make in my own way to My Surrogate Mother that not has only changed my life but also she has gained all my respect and appreciation by showing me that in a world that is splashed with violence and materialism , there are angels that are able to give incredible amounts of joy and happiness not only by the choices they make but also by the subtle perfection of the feminine uniqueness. Thank you … million times Thank You for existing and making miracles happen.

My dear Chapal told me that today is Holi Day for Hindus…. for those of you that don’t have a clue , here is some info about it:

Holi day is a religious festival celebrated at spring where people smear each other with bright-colored powders (Gulal), and colored water.

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There is a very interesting legend behind Holi that basically tells that ” It seems that long ago there was an evil king named King Hiranyakasipu. His son, prince Prahlad however was very holy and often prayed to God and this infuriated his father. One day, the wicked king ordered his sister, the demon Holika, to kill his son. The demon Holika, who was immune to fire, captured prince Prahlad and entered a fire furnace.  She had done this to kill the prince, however it was her who was burnt to ashes. Prince Prahlad was safe and was not burnt at all. The legend goes that before the demon aunt died, she begged for prince Prahlad’s forgiveness and the prince forgave her and announced that her name would be remembered once a year.” (http://www.essortment.com/hindu-holi-festival-31151.html)

There is also a very religious background for Holi and that is that is a day to remember the everlasting love between Krishna and Radha (Lord Krishna is the eighth and the most popular incarnation of Lord Vishnu. He was born in Vrindavan, where he was brought up by the cowherd family . His childhood playmates were gopas (cowherd boys) and gopis (cowherd girls), who were greatly devoted to him. Of all gopis, Radha loved Krishna the most. In the forests of Vrindavan, Krishna often played his flute and gopis danced with him in ecstasy. The Gopis represent the individual souls trapped in physical bodies. Radha symbolizes the individual soul that is awakened to the love of God and is absorbed in such love. The sound of Krishna’s flute represents the call of the divine for the individual souls.)

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So , during Holi , men wear white Kurtas and women wear white of light-colored Saris where the colours that people trow at each other will be displayed… it reminds me of a work of art that came to life:

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( http://www.fwd2all.com/holi-2011/)

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(http://www.davidrager.org/blog/holi)

Hope you enjoyed this post , and again Happy Holi Day!!!!

And for all the women and men with a developed woman sense…. Happy Women´s Day!!!!

Thank you for reading!

Cheers xoxo

The last part…

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Hi everyone!

Definitely I have been totally lazy with the blogging lately.

For some reason it seems like from week 16 everything started going by so fast! We are almost in week 31 and now I have to get ready for the last section of this part of the journey.

There are several things that as a single parent I have to consider now like the travelling , legal procedures , what to bring with me , what things to consider once the baby is born …. and lots of other things.

Luckily Mom is travelling with me so for sure I will learn from a Professional 🙂

As I once said , I consider that all of us that have, are and will go trough surrogacy in India , are a small community  that share a great common factor: we all want to be parents.

This is the main reason why I reach out to you for advice and help regarding this las stage of the pregnancy, all the information I can get for sure is going to be welcomed and useful.

I woke up thinking today, that is incredible how the instinct and feelings of a parent can overshadow the little important things that having a baby involves.

Lately I surprise myself thinking a lot about: What if this…? what if that…?…. but the main answer I always get is: what if you never felt and decided to be a dad? then everything becomes clear by remembering my start point.

 As usual , thank you in advance for all your help.

Cant believe I am so close to hold my angel in my arms… it seems that our first moment will be a never-ending story of love.

Have a great day!

A shift in Masculinity: an advantage for single fathers.

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Good day everyone!

A dear follower (Thank you Tom) gave me some information that worked out as inspiration for this post.

We all know that men and women belong to the same species but we are very different from one another, not only because of all the chemistry and physiological differences, but also because of the way we are programmed to function.

For the past 2 centuries child up bringing has been mainly attributed to the mother, the father has basically been the provider (of course with all the exceptions). If we take a look at evolution, this phenomenon has been the primordial reason why humans have survived all these years.

Nowadays, there has been a new evolution going on that involves men learning emotional competence: “refers to one’s ability to express or release one’s inner feelings (emotions). It implies an ease around others and determines one’s ability to effectively and successfully lead and express.[1] it is described as the essential social skills to recognize, interpret, and respond constructively to emotions in yourself and others.” ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_competence) in order to relate to their kids and partners. I was reading a very interesting article that I found on William´s  Harryman Blog : The Masculine Heart , that  explained how studies reveal that Emotional Competence can be learned (http://masculineheart.blogspot.com/2011/12/can-emotional-competence-be-learned.html).

In the article it states that: ” According to a new study, emotional competence (EC), the ability to understand, manage, express and use emotions, is a skill that can be learned. There are three levels of EC that affect every area of one’s life, knowledge, focus and ability. Knowledge is how much an individual understands about their own emotions. Focus is how well someone is able to manage their emotions and emotional responses. And Ability refers to how a person uses their emotional knowledge to cope with a specific situation in order to achieve a desired outcome. “At a psychological level, higher trait EC is associated with greater well-being and higher self-esteem as well as a lower risk to develop psychological disorders,” said Delphine Nelis of the Department of Psychology at the University of Liege in Belgium, and lead author of the study. “Socially, higher ability–trait EC is related to better social and marital relationships and, all things being equal, to a greater likelihood of being chosen as a romantic partner. Work wise, higher trait EC is associated with greater academic achievement and higher ability–trait EC is associated with higher job performance,” said Nelis. “Ability–Trait EC is also linked to the likelihood of adopting unhealthy behaviors such as smoking, excessive drinking, and reckless driving.”

Because of the deleterious consequences poor EC can have, Nelis wanted to know if adults could improve their EC, and if so, what implications that would have on their lives. “To this end, we designed an 18-hour intervention that focused on teaching theoretical knowledge about emotions and on training participants to apply specific emotional skills in their everyday lives,” said Nelis. “Sessions were centered on the four core emotional competencies: identification, understanding, regulation, and utilization.” Nelis found that the participants saw significant long-term improvement in EC as a result of the sessions. “Six months after the intervention, participants in the training group were more extroverted, more agreeable, and less neurotic. We also showed that the development of EC paired with positive changes in psychological well-being, subjective health, quality of social relationship, and work success.” Nelis added, “These findings bring hope to people who have not had the opportunity to develop their EC as children. With motivation, effort, and guidance, such individuals can still improve their EC later in life, and thereby enhance their adjustment in many domains of life.”

Could this be a very important advantage that single fathers can develop in order to raise their kids? I think so because this does not mean that a man stops being masculine just because he gets in touch with his feelings and he tries to effectively express them. It is easier if we look at it just a shift in masculinity , not the end of it.

Going back to my initial thoughts , it is very interesting to see how on the past decades men have accomplished to get involved and successfully  change the preconceived idea of the provider alpha male.

On The Good Men Project ( http://goodmenproject.com/)  I found a great article with really helpful information for parents and specially fathers that are not scared to acknowledge that the evolution of the genders and its roles is happening now. There is this post called: ” Is Society Neutering the Men in Our Nation?” , where I found this great quote: “Over the past century, gender roles have blurred, leading to some women developing more masculine qualities by necessity – think World War II, when they had to take the men’s place in factories – and some men developing stronger feminine qualities, like sensitivity and compassion.”

Please take a moment to read the complete post (http://goodmenproject.com/gender-sexuality/is-society-neutering-the-men-in-our-nation/), because it will give you really good information about this topic.

As for me , learning all this is more than helpful because it makes me feel more comfortable about being a single dad and being true about the way I can express my feelings to my little angel. I believe this evolution is more a re-volution that will not only help single parents but also all the women out there that often feel left alone on the parenting issue.

It does not matter how you name it: emotional intelligence , emotional competence , shift in masculinity , getting in touch with your inner feelings , it does not matter because at the end of the day the only thing that prevails when raising or expecting a baby is all the LOVE  that as parents we are able and willing to give.

Thanx for reading , I hope you enjoyed.

Have a good one!

Photo – http://goodmenproject.com/misc/paternal-instinct/.

 

Adaptation.

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Hello everybody!

I woke up earlier than usual , not just because Vodka ( my dog) was twitching and making weird sounds while having a nightmare ( here is a pic:  ), but also because I was thinking about adaptation.

Since the moment we come out of the womb , the process begins. We start to adapt to every little situation around us in order not just to survive but also to become the being that we want to become.

As kids there is no awareness about this because usually we are mainly raised by an adult that already has lots of conditioning factors that they have been dragging since their own process of adapting began.

It seems to me that in order to reach happiness or at least experience happy moments more often , one has to get on the train of adaptation , fasten the seatbelt and enjoy the trip.

This brings me to the issue that men can not have kids by their own , so we adapt in order to achieve that by connecting 3 strangers into one ( at leats for me as a single father). Is this a very easy way of explaining surrogacy?

 It might be the answer to lots of questions based on this very delicate topic ( and also a very useful answer when sometimes we get uncomfortable questions).

What happens after surrogacy? How do you explain your kid? , I know  time will give me the answers to this questions, at least for now I know that the triangle between the donor , the surrogate and me is probably the best thing that has ever happened in my life.

It would be great if the parents out there that have already been trough this process could share with the rest of us their own experiences.

Thanx in advance for reading and remember : ” Adapt or die. As many times as we’ve heard it, the lesson doesn’t get easier. The problem is we’re human. We want more than just to survive. We want love. We want success. We want to be the best that we can be. So, we fight like hell to get those things. Anything else feels like death.”

Being a Dad…

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A few weeks ago a wise woman told me that usually human beings associate having and wanting babies to women.

Now that I think more into it ( my brain cells are scarce and very lazy)  it is true , we associate having descendants to the female gender. Why si that?   Is it because of pregnancy, child-birth and breast-feeding?

I guess so , and also because one of the stereotypes that our society has mainly states that women want to get married and have babies while men will fight in order to remain single , cool and free.

writing this only makes me feel and acknowledge that times have changed and that the preconception of genders and families have taken a very interesting twist.

While growing up , having a friend who had divorced parents was shocking , nowadays the shocking thing is to find solid marriages among our kids friends parents. Also the GLBT families were not a whole lot around ( probably because it is still a very”delicate” topic to talk about), even though researches and polls show that is some countries ( USA , Canada , Spain , etc) there are already third generations of kids that grew up being part of  GLBT family.

Isnt it delicious to have such variety? when I go to the bakery I want lots of pastries to choose from , not only banana bread ( nothing against it in fact I love it).

This brings me to the point that now that the baby is coming  I surprise myself thinking about how I will raise him/her , or what things I will try not to do. Maybe it is senseless because even though I plan a bit inside my head , every kid is different with different needs , different characters and different ways of absorbing their surroundings. Many times I have heard people saying that kids do not come with a Owners Manual , but there are lots of clues and answers within ourselves that can help us along the way.

I was telling my friend the other day that now that I am to become a Daddy , I think more often about the things I liked and disliked about my upbringing. That for me is a good start point because like us  ,our parents also made mistakes while raising us , so for me the first thing to do is learn from those mistakes and try not to make them with my own kid ( Thanx Mom , besides being a great friend you are a great example). The next step is to look around to other families and see how they work , how the manage , how they move along, then analyse a bit and learn as much as our awareness allows us.

I am lucky enough to have a sister that is a single mom ( just got divorced from the kids father) of 2 kids ( my nephew is 4 years 3 months and my niece is 1 year 4 months). She for sure is my best , most solid an updated example of how to be a parent. She has shown me that been relaxed but conscious is the way to go if you want to keep sane and happy while managing all the little details that being a parent involve.

Probably one of the most important things I have learned in the past months is that every human being has a different kind of intelligence , therefore every person needs to be understood and treated in a different way. This does not mean that our way of being changes when we deal with different people , it only means that part of growing up is to respect the boundaries and differences that every person has. Respect is not just a value that we learn at home or at school , is a value that one has to live it and experience it in order to apply it as a golden rule in every single thought and act. So , for me the main rule when raising my child will be to respect who he/she is and learn day by day the boundaries of his/her personality. It might sound idealistic but it can work if I am open enough to understand that the way I am does not mean is the way my child will like to be. Being transcendent with our decisions  allow us to see , feel , understand and heal the wounds that failure leaves in our souls . 

So , let’s go over the limits and allow the next generations to be open about the diversity of traits , values and realities that people have. Everybody is free to have their own opinions, but sometimes we dont allow them to be free enough.  Lets try to step out of the stereotypes and see beyond the boundaries that we set to our own thoughts.

My final conclusion is that being a parent is not about the gender , is about the inner force that we generate when we are true to ourselves and when we use love in order to achieve the dreams and goals that lay within ourselves.

Thanx for reading and tell me What is parenting for you guys?

Have a wonderful day.

Change: Embrace it .

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Hi everybody!!!

First I would like to say Thank You to all the people who has been commenting and sending e-mails. It is so nice to hear all the things you guys have to say  , specially since some of you literally show and send me so many feelings and strength to keep on going on this great adventure.

Yesterday I was talking to my best friend , she gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl a few months back. We where talking about the changes that come with parenthood and that weird phenomenon that happens to some people who even after you have your baby , you can’t believe he/she is already here.

We where standing next to each other and she said ” I can’t believe she is my baby”. It took me almost 3 hours of no sleep ( lately it seems that trying to sleep is a bit hard because all I thin about is the little mini me)to realize that when someone has a deep feeling and you acknowledge that feeling it eventually becomes a goal or a dream that you start to work on.

Step by step that goal starts to become real until one day you are standing very very close to the finish line. I feel I am almost there , at the finish line , but also being so close to it makes me wonder about al the things that are on the other side of the finish line.

What all those things? … for me is only one thing : change. So you stare at it and embrace it because it is the result of all the little steps you took before reaching your goal.

Is it hard? is it scary? , no need to describe it. In my head and heart all I feel is that change and new things to come are always good , is another step one has to take on the road of growing and living life intensively and fully.

My friend and I usually have those little deep moments when time stops and we just wonder about things. Yesterday she said: 2 We have so many things to be grateful for”, and she is so right. Everyday we hear someone elses reality and we get surprised or scared, and in our heads we think we are lucky. For me , luck  has lots of names so I rather say that luck is just a result of thousands of little things we do every day that end up on being a great product. 

I heard this the other day and it made me realize how important change is: ” When we say things like “people don’t change” it drives scientist crazy because change is literally the only constant in all of science. Energy. Matter. It’s always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It’s the way people try not to change that’s unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting things be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change that’s up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again.”

It would be great to hear what you guys have to say about your own experiences when you were approaching to the finish line. What where your thoughts , feelings , fears , sensations???

I feel like a sponge waiting to soak on people’s experiences , thank you for sharing yours.

Have a great weekend! and as usual , thank you very much for reading.

Cheers!!!